I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
