You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Two words: blizzard sex
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
