you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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