No awkward lesbian experiences without me
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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