Cold hands, warm shart.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
