i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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