I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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