cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
