well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
