Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
