i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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