gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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