she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
