pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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