she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Less talking, more tequila
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
