I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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