We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
