I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
