he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize