I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
