this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
