News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
