So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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