Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
