I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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