Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize