I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
