Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
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He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
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You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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