I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
