Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
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I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
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Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
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