I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
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he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm way too hungover for life right now
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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