please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
