id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
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took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
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Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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