she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
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