new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
