Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
