you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
