On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I'm bleeding and have questions
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
