Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
