I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
