its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
