Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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