and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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