mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I am midnight drunk by noon
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Randomize
