I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
My vagina just clenched in fear
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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