There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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