you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
