Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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