Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
