I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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