I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
