I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
