why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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