there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
