in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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