I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
