Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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