Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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