Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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