so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
