Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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